Thump, thump, thump, thumpy.
Heart is leaping, throat is lumpy.
Here she comes around the corner.
Angel rays of light adorn her.
What'll I say and what'll I do?
Think I'll throw up on my shoe.
- David Revere
- Hey good looking! Welcome to my big plunder pile of silly things. Click one of those links on the right to get started!
Saturday, March 31, 2007
Thursday, March 29, 2007
The Song of McDoodle
Let me tell you about old McDoodle
Who claimed to have misplaced his noodle.
He searched day and night
till his hair had grown white,
Or so it was told by his poodle.
The truth is a different affair
With little to say about hair.
For when he was four
He rushed out the door
And threw his chow mien in the air.
His mother at first said "tut, tut."
But McDoodle entreated, "So what?"
So she threw out the rest,
All over his chest.
But what do I know? I'm a mut.
Who claimed to have misplaced his noodle.
He searched day and night
till his hair had grown white,
Or so it was told by his poodle.
The truth is a different affair
With little to say about hair.
For when he was four
He rushed out the door
And threw his chow mien in the air.
His mother at first said "tut, tut."
But McDoodle entreated, "So what?"
So she threw out the rest,
All over his chest.
But what do I know? I'm a mut.
The poetry is misbehaving
What George Washington said to me
George Washington said to me,
"We'll have no dancing here!"
I said, "To heck with that!"
and kicked the chandelier.
George Washington said to me,
"It isn't time for lunch!"
I said, "To heck with that!"
Glup, gobble, munch.
George Washington said to me,
"Off with you to bed!"
I said, "To heck with that!"
And stood upon my head.
George Washington said to me,
"We'll have no dancing here!"
I said, "To heck with that!"
and kicked the chandelier.
George Washington said to me,
"It isn't time for lunch!"
I said, "To heck with that!"
Glup, gobble, munch.
George Washington said to me,
"Off with you to bed!"
I said, "To heck with that!"
And stood upon my head.
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
The Princess
There's a princess crunching through my leaves!
See her blue-sky dress and her autumn leafy crown.
"I'm princess of the leaves!" she sings. "I think that you should know."
So I shower her with red and orange and brown.
There beneath my branches of acorn nuts and beetles,
She laughs the purest laugh ever heard by tree or man
You'd never think a princess' laugh could make an old oak grin-
But it can!
There's a princess crunching through my leaves!
She smiles holding nothing back, her eyes aglow with wonder.
"I'm princess of the leaves!" she sings. "I think that you should know."
So my branches sway for her while she looks on from under.
Did you know a princess' gaze can make an old oak swell
And stand up tall just like the proudest tree that ever was,
And reach his arms out toward the sky for joy of being loved?
Well it does!
There's a princess crunching through my leaves!
How luminous, how regal - how beautiful she seems.
"I'm princess of the leaves!" she sings. "I think that you should know."
So my branches open wide and so the sunlight beams.
For he who knows the princess is a lucky scrap of timber.
She'll warm the very sap beneath that crusty bark of his.
You wonder, "Is an oak tree such a sentimental soul?"
Yes he is!
See her blue-sky dress and her autumn leafy crown.
"I'm princess of the leaves!" she sings. "I think that you should know."
So I shower her with red and orange and brown.
There beneath my branches of acorn nuts and beetles,
She laughs the purest laugh ever heard by tree or man
You'd never think a princess' laugh could make an old oak grin-
But it can!
There's a princess crunching through my leaves!
She smiles holding nothing back, her eyes aglow with wonder.
"I'm princess of the leaves!" she sings. "I think that you should know."
So my branches sway for her while she looks on from under.
Did you know a princess' gaze can make an old oak swell
And stand up tall just like the proudest tree that ever was,
And reach his arms out toward the sky for joy of being loved?
Well it does!
There's a princess crunching through my leaves!
How luminous, how regal - how beautiful she seems.
"I'm princess of the leaves!" she sings. "I think that you should know."
So my branches open wide and so the sunlight beams.
For he who knows the princess is a lucky scrap of timber.
She'll warm the very sap beneath that crusty bark of his.
You wonder, "Is an oak tree such a sentimental soul?"
Yes he is!
Monday, March 26, 2007
A poem for you to act out loud!
Howard Bryte the Fifth
Howard Bryte the Fifth is an ambitious young man;
Remarkable for reasons I'll explain the best I can.
You see, while all the other boys are picking at their noses,
Howard's of the notion life is more than wine and roses.
"When you grow up," I asked him once, "What do you want to be?
There's politics and sports... or marine biology."
"You could be rich," I enthused. "with a bit of luck."
But Howard Bryte the Fifth replied, "I want to be a duck."
"A duck!" you cry. "Webbed feet and wings?" That's what he said, it's true.
Yes, he's quite persuaded this is just the thing to do.
No astronauts or firemen or movie stars for Howard.
He strives for nothing more or less than to be a mallard!
Some say it's outrageous - impossible to boot.
To be a duck, our boy insists, is really quite a hoot.
"Of grown up jobs," he conjoins, "there'll never be a lack.
But you have never truly lived until you learn to quack!"
Howard Bryte the Fifth is an ambitious young man;
Remarkable for reasons I'll explain the best I can.
You see, while all the other boys are picking at their noses,
Howard's of the notion life is more than wine and roses.
"When you grow up," I asked him once, "What do you want to be?
There's politics and sports... or marine biology."
"You could be rich," I enthused. "with a bit of luck."
But Howard Bryte the Fifth replied, "I want to be a duck."
"A duck!" you cry. "Webbed feet and wings?" That's what he said, it's true.
Yes, he's quite persuaded this is just the thing to do.
No astronauts or firemen or movie stars for Howard.
He strives for nothing more or less than to be a mallard!
Some say it's outrageous - impossible to boot.
To be a duck, our boy insists, is really quite a hoot.
"Of grown up jobs," he conjoins, "there'll never be a lack.
But you have never truly lived until you learn to quack!"
A poem for kids of all ages!
Dinglebart
When all is solemn and restful,
When peace is in every heart,
There is no magical word you can say,
More lovely than "Dinglebart."
The sound is particularly effective
In church when you're made to be quiet.
Just conversationally muttering "Dinglebart"
Is sure to start a riot.
Though the preacher may do nothing
But look at you askance,
A dinglebart has touched his soul.
Smile and give it a chance.
Next, when your parents are sleeping,
Consider tip toeing near
And subliminally whispering "dinglebart"
Directly in their ear.
Don't be surprised if they mumble and shift
Or suddenly wrinkle their noses,
For they have just been dinglebarted,
From their heads to the tips of their toeses.
There's plenty of times inside of a day
To say this remarkable word.
Just look for a grownup occasion
When sounds aren't supposed to be heard.
Sound and silence, Silence and sound,
Dance with these syllables three,
Spark a mysterious compound
Two parts wonder one part glee.
And in the end when we twiddle our thumbs,
For all has been done and said,
You will be able to hold your head high,
And cry "Dinglebart!" instead.
When all is solemn and restful,
When peace is in every heart,
There is no magical word you can say,
More lovely than "Dinglebart."
The sound is particularly effective
In church when you're made to be quiet.
Just conversationally muttering "Dinglebart"
Is sure to start a riot.
Though the preacher may do nothing
But look at you askance,
A dinglebart has touched his soul.
Smile and give it a chance.
Next, when your parents are sleeping,
Consider tip toeing near
And subliminally whispering "dinglebart"
Directly in their ear.
Don't be surprised if they mumble and shift
Or suddenly wrinkle their noses,
For they have just been dinglebarted,
From their heads to the tips of their toeses.
There's plenty of times inside of a day
To say this remarkable word.
Just look for a grownup occasion
When sounds aren't supposed to be heard.
Sound and silence, Silence and sound,
Dance with these syllables three,
Spark a mysterious compound
Two parts wonder one part glee.
And in the end when we twiddle our thumbs,
For all has been done and said,
You will be able to hold your head high,
And cry "Dinglebart!" instead.
Sunday, March 25, 2007
A love song
If I was your indoor cat
Ohhh, if I was your indoor cat,
Lazy, spoiled, big and fat,
I would live for your next pat.
How I've dreamed and purred for that!
And if I was your bedroom mirror,
I should never think it queer
If you danced in your brazier,
Blew a kiss and called me "Dear."
For if I was that favorite kind,
Of ice cream you can never find,
I would leave the cold behind.
Kiss me, taste me... never mind.
Saturday, March 24, 2007
A High School Fairy Tale - Conclusions
A. She's from the Men In Black
"I'm sure you've hooked many a girl with your alien appeal, but I've got news for you, ET. I've been tracking you for six weeks now and I know all about your Communist schemes. You're on my planet now; I make the rules."
Reaching into a hidden fold in her skirt, she produced a deadly CHR-Vortrex mini-pistol.
"You're under arrest under Article 432.4 of the Universal Code of Inter-species Conduct for unauthorized entry of a Class 3 planet, and Article 3453.9 for conspiring to unlawfully absorb a level 6 species." She stood to her feet, aiming the weapon straight at his head.
"Wait!" he stood up quickly. "I'm not really an alien. I planted that extra-terrestrial signal to set you on my trail. I lied about the goo planet! It was all a plan to get you to blow your cover, so that I could discover if the government really had a level 7!"
She hesitated, her eyes never leaving his.
"If that's true, then you'll have no problem with this fail-proof extra-terrestrial detector."
She produced a mysterious pen-like object with a shining, red tip. A brilliant flash, and he found himself standing alone at the overlook. Fond memories of boy-band karaoke lingered in his head.
B. She believes him and kisses him passionately
She smiled coyly and leaned in close, enrapturing him for one soaring moment in the sweet embrace of her chocolate minty lips.
He decided that collective consciousness could wait.
C. A zombie crashes their date
She opened her mouth to speak.
"GRAAAAUUUHH!"
They leapt from the bench, swinging around in time to see a pale, slumping figure in a military uniform emerging gracelessly from the woods with one arm extended towards them.
He glanced quickly at the steep, sheer cliff behind them. Fleeing would not be an option.
Fighting didn't turn out to be that big of problem though. The decayed flesh of the living dead lends itself easily to dismemberment. The zombie quickly found itself limbless.
He reached down to turn up it's name plate. "A little too long in the gas chamber, eh Revere?"
Revere didn't appreciate the remark. He bit into his hand, prompting him to send the torso snarling over the edge of the cliff.
Revere's saliva quickly spread through his bloodstream. It would be a matter of seconds before he turned.
"Quick!" she cried as she took his hand. "Rearrange your molecules to absorb me. It's your only chance!"
A smile stretched across his rapidly decaying face.
"You chose to believe me. I won't take that power from you by absorbing your individuality. Besides, the Revere zombie is giving me a head rush like no other!"
"I'm sure you've hooked many a girl with your alien appeal, but I've got news for you, ET. I've been tracking you for six weeks now and I know all about your Communist schemes. You're on my planet now; I make the rules."
Reaching into a hidden fold in her skirt, she produced a deadly CHR-Vortrex mini-pistol.
"You're under arrest under Article 432.4 of the Universal Code of Inter-species Conduct for unauthorized entry of a Class 3 planet, and Article 3453.9 for conspiring to unlawfully absorb a level 6 species." She stood to her feet, aiming the weapon straight at his head.
"Wait!" he stood up quickly. "I'm not really an alien. I planted that extra-terrestrial signal to set you on my trail. I lied about the goo planet! It was all a plan to get you to blow your cover, so that I could discover if the government really had a level 7!"
She hesitated, her eyes never leaving his.
"If that's true, then you'll have no problem with this fail-proof extra-terrestrial detector."
She produced a mysterious pen-like object with a shining, red tip. A brilliant flash, and he found himself standing alone at the overlook. Fond memories of boy-band karaoke lingered in his head.
B. She believes him and kisses him passionately
She smiled coyly and leaned in close, enrapturing him for one soaring moment in the sweet embrace of her chocolate minty lips.
He decided that collective consciousness could wait.
C. A zombie crashes their date
She opened her mouth to speak.
"GRAAAAUUUHH!"
They leapt from the bench, swinging around in time to see a pale, slumping figure in a military uniform emerging gracelessly from the woods with one arm extended towards them.
He glanced quickly at the steep, sheer cliff behind them. Fleeing would not be an option.
Fighting didn't turn out to be that big of problem though. The decayed flesh of the living dead lends itself easily to dismemberment. The zombie quickly found itself limbless.
He reached down to turn up it's name plate. "A little too long in the gas chamber, eh Revere?"
Revere didn't appreciate the remark. He bit into his hand, prompting him to send the torso snarling over the edge of the cliff.
Revere's saliva quickly spread through his bloodstream. It would be a matter of seconds before he turned.
"Quick!" she cried as she took his hand. "Rearrange your molecules to absorb me. It's your only chance!"
A smile stretched across his rapidly decaying face.
"You chose to believe me. I won't take that power from you by absorbing your individuality. Besides, the Revere zombie is giving me a head rush like no other!"
Friday, March 23, 2007
A High School Fairy Tale of Love and Aliens!
They met in art class. The assignment was to split up into pairs for a personality profile exercise. She picked him before he even had a chance to get up. It took about 5 seconds for those flirtatious, brown eyes to bewitch him completely.
Questionnaires in hand, their conversation started out something like this:
Him: Ice cream out of the box or in a bowl?
Her: What’s a bowl?
Him: Like to be the center of attention or are you content to be on the sidelines?
Her: Like to be the center of your attention.
Him: Dinner with me at Olive Garden or Chevy's?
Her: Yo quiero fajitas!
He basked in her radiance that night, barely speaking a word in between mouthfuls of pico de galla salsa.
She looked non-stop into his eyes for the entire meal like she had found some kind of rare Aztec treasure.
Later that evening found them on a secluded bench overlooking the city, the last remains of ice cream cones in their hands.
He wrapped his arm around her, watching her eyes reflect the starlight above.
“I have something I want to tell you,” he said softly.
“Anything,” she assured him. A small dribble of chocolate mint ice cream lingered on her lips. “You can tell me anything.”
He took a deep breath.
“I exist on my planet as one small part of a vast ocean of aqua goo. Millions of us blend together within the goo, forming an individual mastermind to which we all contribute. Despite the deep and satisfying feeling of oneness we all enjoy, it gets old listening to the same voices after a while. We are explorers, always seeking to discover new life and make it a part of our collective consciousness. Eventually, someone came up with the idea of breaking off a small part of us and rearranging the molecules into a self-aware asteroid, capable of seeking out and landing on a planet with intelligent life, then rearranging the molecules again into the likeness of that life. If the scout determines the species is an acceptable subject for absorption, it returns to it’s original form and immediately commences exponential a-sexual reproduction, absorbing the entire world into our single consciousness within a matter of hours… I am that scout.”
A cricket chirped blissfully...
Choose your ending:
A.She's from the Men In Black
B.She believes him and kisses him passionately *
C.A zombie crashes their date
Questionnaires in hand, their conversation started out something like this:
Him: Ice cream out of the box or in a bowl?
Her: What’s a bowl?
Him: Like to be the center of attention or are you content to be on the sidelines?
Her: Like to be the center of your attention.
Him: Dinner with me at Olive Garden or Chevy's?
Her: Yo quiero fajitas!
He basked in her radiance that night, barely speaking a word in between mouthfuls of pico de galla salsa.
She looked non-stop into his eyes for the entire meal like she had found some kind of rare Aztec treasure.
Later that evening found them on a secluded bench overlooking the city, the last remains of ice cream cones in their hands.
He wrapped his arm around her, watching her eyes reflect the starlight above.
“I have something I want to tell you,” he said softly.
“Anything,” she assured him. A small dribble of chocolate mint ice cream lingered on her lips. “You can tell me anything.”
He took a deep breath.
“I exist on my planet as one small part of a vast ocean of aqua goo. Millions of us blend together within the goo, forming an individual mastermind to which we all contribute. Despite the deep and satisfying feeling of oneness we all enjoy, it gets old listening to the same voices after a while. We are explorers, always seeking to discover new life and make it a part of our collective consciousness. Eventually, someone came up with the idea of breaking off a small part of us and rearranging the molecules into a self-aware asteroid, capable of seeking out and landing on a planet with intelligent life, then rearranging the molecules again into the likeness of that life. If the scout determines the species is an acceptable subject for absorption, it returns to it’s original form and immediately commences exponential a-sexual reproduction, absorbing the entire world into our single consciousness within a matter of hours… I am that scout.”
A cricket chirped blissfully...
Choose your ending:
A.She's from the Men In Black
B.She believes him and kisses him passionately *
C.A zombie crashes their date
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
Silly Silly Silly Things
There was a young lady in blue
Who asked, "Is it you? Is it you?"
When I said, "Yes it is!" -
She replied only, "Whiz!"
That batty young lady in blue.
Does any else ever just get tired of the same old words every day? Go to work and gossip. Go home and complain why the dishes aren't done. Go out with friends and argue about some sports team. I have a proposition! Let's you and I forget the language of meaning(less) more often and transcend to a new realm of mental awareness. It's a world as broad and fresh as we want it to be. I'm not talking about telepathy, meditation, or drugs. I'm talking about letting our guard down to the kingdom of nonsense. It will take some practice, but lets banish thoughts like "ridiculous," and "stupid," and begin to consider the astonishingly open possibilities of the absurd. Then our eyes will learn to see the nonsense beings that live blissfully and invisibly beside us every day.
Anyone still with me? Here's how we'll do it: in my own quest to discover the way into this kingdom, I have found guides in a few young children. These brilliant, non-grownups are the closest to understanding this other place. I myself was only four when bright and smiling mysteries were whispered to me by an oversized bunny rabbit only I could see! If we invest time with some of these beautiful humans (maybe you have some of your own), we'll be led into their imaginations where dwell creatures bizarre and wonders delightful. I'll be writing all the silly things here that I think of from spending time with them, and publishing more that I discover. I'll keep you posted, let me know how it goes for you!
Who asked, "Is it you? Is it you?"
When I said, "Yes it is!" -
She replied only, "Whiz!"
That batty young lady in blue.
Does any else ever just get tired of the same old words every day? Go to work and gossip. Go home and complain why the dishes aren't done. Go out with friends and argue about some sports team. I have a proposition! Let's you and I forget the language of meaning(less) more often and transcend to a new realm of mental awareness. It's a world as broad and fresh as we want it to be. I'm not talking about telepathy, meditation, or drugs. I'm talking about letting our guard down to the kingdom of nonsense. It will take some practice, but lets banish thoughts like "ridiculous," and "stupid," and begin to consider the astonishingly open possibilities of the absurd. Then our eyes will learn to see the nonsense beings that live blissfully and invisibly beside us every day.
Anyone still with me? Here's how we'll do it: in my own quest to discover the way into this kingdom, I have found guides in a few young children. These brilliant, non-grownups are the closest to understanding this other place. I myself was only four when bright and smiling mysteries were whispered to me by an oversized bunny rabbit only I could see! If we invest time with some of these beautiful humans (maybe you have some of your own), we'll be led into their imaginations where dwell creatures bizarre and wonders delightful. I'll be writing all the silly things here that I think of from spending time with them, and publishing more that I discover. I'll keep you posted, let me know how it goes for you!